Decision Determines Destiny

“You are free to choose. You are not free not to choose. You are not free to determine the consequences of your choice.”

These words are from a sermon by Adrian Rogers entitled “It’s Decsision that Determines Destiny.” Find it. Listen to it. It’ll change your perspective.

I’ve always believed in the fatalistic sort of destiny thing. God has a plan for you and no matter what you do you can’t escape it. I’ve come to realize that that’s not the truth. God knows what you are going to chose, but he doesn’t make the decision for you.

And depending on your choices, you life can go in one of two ways. Life or Death. Yes, everyone has to have a physical death, I’m not denying that… but the decision we make to believe in Jesus gives us life.

The reason why I’ve been struggling is because I see this choice before me everyday. While I believed in Jesus six years ago and decided to follow him, I forgot that that decision needs to be renewed every day in my heart.

Somewhere along the line I forgot that & life became complicated. Life is not complicated. Life in Jesus is pure light, and the way is very clear.

Before me I saw the long, wide road… I knew I wasn’t going to take it, but I stopped walking down the narrow path. It does get hard sometimes. But if it wasn’t a little difficult, it wouldn’t be worth it.

What’s the point in having a easy life, giving into every impulse & chasing pleasure if it costs you your soul?

No, I have decided on a different way. I’m following Jesus. There’s going to ups & downs, and I’m going to fall more that a couple of times. But I will not leave him. My words are the words of Ruth to Naomi…

(Ruth 1:16-17) Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.

Thankfully, I know that NOTHING can separate me from Jesus…

(Romans 8: 37-39) In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I lose death, and win life. I give up that which I cannot keep for that which I cannot lose.

Really, when really get down to thinking about it, this is the best offer anyone will ever make to you.

Sin does the exact opposite. Sin takes EVERYTHING away from you and leaves you with nothing, and then you die. If left unchecked it will also begin to take claim of your future, until you, O sons and daughters of God, have even forfeited your life in Christ. So stop fooling yourselves.

Remember, don’t give into the lie, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Choose life.

Self-inflicted spiritual starvation... ya, that about sums it up.

I only started this blog because a friend told me to. He suggested I get my feelings & experiences out there; that maybe I could help someone with what was really going on in my life.

But I can’t help but wonder, how can I help anyone if I can’t help myself?

For the past month or so I’ve been slowly coming out of a spiritual depression & i think, a clinical one. I can’t say I’m completely out yet. Some days are great; others are terrible. I wish it would all just go away really. I feel like a crazy person… seriously, most days I question my sanity.

I’m struggling. Recently I’ve begun to read my bible again and listen to sermons. I’m developing a longing for Jesus again…

But on the other hand, I’m sinning like never before. I feel like a spiritual ping-pong ball. I get tossed from spiritual progression to disgusting, degrading sin…

If I was spiritually healthy, I’d be able to get up, but I can’t. Not this time.

It’s the strangest thing. I know Jesus, and normally I’d be able to see him anywhere. I could connect with him & talk with him. I could feel him & draw strength from Him.

Now, I don’t even know where to find him.

I read the word, and even though I know he IS the word, I can’t see him in the pages. I pray, or I try to pray, but nothing comes out, and I can't feel him or even imagine that he's listening. I’m a strain on my closest friends, and I don't even want to talk to them anymore. It's not fair that they should have to carry me through this, they’re going through their own stuff.

I really don’t know what to do.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

Why do I keep Him away?

Romans 8: 35-39

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? […] No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

“I’m inadequate, I’ve failed, and I will never amount to anything. God, just look at my track record! I hurt so many people, Lord! Jesus, what if I say the wrong thing?! I’m not worthy of you. I’ve sinned… I’ve sinned in ways I never thought I could… Jesus, you don’t want me, really, just save yourself the strife. You’re too good and holy for me. You deserve a better disciple, a better follower. I’m a terrible creation, servant, friend, daughter and bride. Lord, I can’t. I’m not equipped. I haven’t prayed or read your word in a long time, so I couldn’t even speak even if you wanted me to! Jesus, I don’t think like them! They won’t listen, they don’t care, they don’t even like me anyway! Jesus, just stay away! Please just stay away!”

These are just some of the thoughts that flood my heart every day. And for over a year, I’ve listened and obeyed them.

I’ve kept myself away from the only being I know that truly & deeply cares, and the only person I know that is capable of doing something about it.

I’ve chosen to be sick. The cure is right in front of me and I’ve refused to take it. I’ve been so thirsty, and yet refuse to drink. I’m starving, but I will not touch food.

The verse above says that nothing… NO-THING on heaven or on earth, nothing that is made, nothing that exists can separate us from the love of Jesus. So why is it that I continually erect barriers to keep him away?

I can’t afford to live like this anymore. Something has to change; something’s got to give.

Something is blocking me; something I have made; something I have thought up or imagined. I don’t know how and I don’t know why… but a barrier has been erected in my heart against the love of Christ.

Please Jesus show me what it is! Give me the faith to remove it, and the strength to keep coming after you. I only want you.